I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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