I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
