you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
