We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize