Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
