Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
