**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
