Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
