I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
