i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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