someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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