kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
