Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
