Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
