So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
