woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
