Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
