NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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