Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
