Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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