Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
