I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How's work?
Spinning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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