Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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