Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
