guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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