Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
