Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So many bounce houses so little time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
