i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
