It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize