The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
