Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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