i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize