i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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