I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
