we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
