20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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