i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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