I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
