Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
