a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
