Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
