we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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