I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
