I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't turn off my feet"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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