Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize