my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize