Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
