i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
