I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
