there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
