so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
