he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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