so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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