she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
