hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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