and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
