Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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