I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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