he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
