a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
