apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
