Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want nice things and good sex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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