They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
