giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
