I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
