Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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