I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
