she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
