i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
