Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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