she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
