i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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